An Apology Letter to My Best Friend

In less than a month I will step on a plane to begin the journey of a lifetime. It’s been a whirlwind of a year considering it’s only been since April that I decided to go teach English in Spain. I spent many sleepless nights after a bad long-term relationship ended trying to figure out what my purpose in life was. I constantly thought back to 8 years ago when 16 year-old me was living in Italy as an exchange student. She was so passionate and full of wanderlust, unwilling to succumb to societal norms. She left me with this traveling itch I’ve been trying to scratch for so long. When I stumbled upon this great opportunity, I just knew it was meant to be.

Unfortunately, it seems that everyone is excited for me in this new chapter in life except for you. You might not realize how much this will hurt quite yet until it’s 4 months in and you’re still walking around wondering where I went.  We’ve been through so much together this past year and you stuck through it all right by my side. You didn’t complain when we spent nights wide awake till 5 am and I was perpetually google searching “how to enrich my life at 24”. Sure, you might have dozed off every so often but I knew the moment I needed your help you were there.

I don’t want you to believe for one second that you’re the reason I left. I know it’s not going to make much sense at first but I really hope you’ll forgive me when I return. I truly wish that everything will be able to go back to the way it was before but I just can’t guarantee that I’ll come back as the same person I left.

As excited as I am, I’m embarking on this journey with a mind full of self-doubt, insecurities and trust issues. I look back to my past at all the times I got so close to achieving my dreams. I was constantly met with harsh words from someone I thought saw me as the love of their life. It’s rather amazing how much someone else can affect your mind. My world became so small when I was continuously thinking for two.

I’m sorry I spent so much time with him while completely ignoring you. I know you were overjoyed when we finally broke up. Some might say call that selfish, but I understood how you felt when you always saw me hurting. Truth is I wouldn’t be writing this apology letter now if things hadn’t ended between him and I.

I’m sorry you won’t be able to call or text me whenever you want to remind me how much you miss me. I’m sorry that you’ll have to rely on others to go on the adventures we used to take. I just want you to know that it won’t be forever, I’ll be back before you know it.

You were the best thing to ever happen to me. We’ve always had some sort of indescribable bond since the day I picked you up and brought you home. Sure, you cost me quite a bit of money early on but I know we were just getting used to each other. I never really knew what happened in your past but that never mattered much to me. At the end of the day, I was your hero and you were mine. 

“Whoever said diamonds were a girl’s best friend, never owned a dog.”